


Nice to meet you, sunshine.

by moonslover



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, mx r 6 and min's a mbb, read chap 1 notes for tw, the rest r mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-08 22:03:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16437644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonslover/pseuds/moonslover
Summary: Minhyuk constantly falls in love with unobtainable people and he's convinced there will never be anybody who'll return his feelings.A surprise waits for him in the form of daily messages and a secret identity.(or. the one where minhyuk is a fan of six men and is particularly smitten with a fellow fan.)





	1. Everything is fine.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [deadlylampshades](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadlylampshades/gifts).



> HUGE shoutout to [james](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunghoney/works?fandom_id=4997791), [asher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mongaygay/works) and [mel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokjyo) for helping me beta this fic! go give them a follow and their fics are read :-)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk thinks, types, thinks some more and cries.
> 
> He laughs, blushes and reminisces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> contains violence and homophobia (officially starts from the bracket after horizontal line and ends when bracket closes, continues after -- and stops when chapter ends) 
> 
> (feel free to skip the whole part under the horizontal line if thats better for you!)

Closing the door behind him, Minhyuk sighs. 

University isn’t easy. Well, nobody said it would be. But still, this is too much. ‘Tired’ doesn’t even begin to describe how he feels. 

He has lectures from eight to six almost every day, and they’re all with professors who make him want to die on the spot. None of them are interesting, and they’re all smelly old men. 

Sure, he wasn’t there to ogle hot guys, but having _somebody_ attractive would at the very least - help motivate him. Unfortunately, this was his unluckiest semester yet. 

The term started a month ago, and as soon as Minhyuk saw his schedule, he knew it wasn’t going to be fun. 

Not to mention the way his classmates never seemed to change, constantly shouting slurs and making disgusting jokes. They treat girls rudely too and it’s nauseating. So yeah, not the best environment. 

On the bright side, at least he has a free day. Despite never having a favourite day of the week before, he found himself looking forward to Wednesdays the most. 

Tuesday nights are great too, being able to stay up without stressing over an upcoming deadline feels fantastic. 

Taking his shoes off, Minhyuk immediately springs himself onto his bed. 

His apartment is just a few blocks off campus. It's small but it's good enough for young tenants like him living on their own. 

Minhyuk’s bedroom is basically the living room and there's no kitchen either, which was fine by him since he can't cook to save his life. The bathroom is a bit cramped but it works and that’s all that matters. 

Moving away from his family and living on his own in Seoul, one of the world’s most expensive cities, is already a big step towards adulthood - if that’s even a thing.

Like his living space, there’s not much going on with his life outside studying and his part time job. Minhyuk spends most of his free time playing games and keeping up with his favourite singers - Monsta X. 

He’s not the type to be fixated on celebrities but hearing their songs and seeing them perform helped him overcome his troubles and inspired him to do well in his field too. 

It’s embarrassing, really. He’s still young, in his mid 20s but it’s not exactly the ideal age to be involved in fan culture and idols. It leaves a bitter-sweet taste edging on his tongue.

Minhyuk reaches for his phone and sits up, seeing all the new notifications. He quickly unlocks it and opens Tumblr. 

It’s been quite some time since he installed the app and made his own blog centered on, well, Monsta X. 

Most people use Twitter because it’s easier and celebrities have their official accounts on there so the chances of them interacting with fans are higher. 

However, Minhyuk finds Tumblr fun, and it’s like his secret place since it’s not that popular among locals.

It’s also a good way to practice English - the main language used by majority of the users. His vocabulary has definitely grown twice from the last lesson he had in high school. And albeit small in size, Minhyuk does have friends from other countries and that’s how he puts his skills to use. 

Since he’s not the most outgoing person, conversations don’t usually last. They only last for a few days anymore after that, the person he’s talking to loses interest and stops replying. 

It’s fine though. It can’t be helped.

These past few months, however, Minhyuk’s been talking to a certain mutual a lot. A fan just like him, with the username people would actually die for - ‘ _hyungwon_ ’. It’s still a shock as to why they’re following someone like him and looking back, he’s not sure why they even started chatting.

There’s really no special reason.

Minhyuk, himself had wanted that username and had been waiting for a response from the owner for years, but after several ignored chats, he gave up thinking they were inactive and had moved on from the site like many of his older mutuals had. 

However, a notification came one night and it caught him by surprise. 

_hyungwon is now following you!_

Amazing, he thought. After pretending he didn’t exist, the owner dare come back and follow him? 

It confused Minhyuk so he decided to check the blog and see if there was a new post but he’s met with the same reblogged gifset that’s been greeting him every time he checked the inactive account. 

The same pictures, videos, gifs - the same everything. And it’s all Hyungwon. Not that Minhyuk was complaining, he’s his favourite member after all. 

He decided to send a message, this time a simple _hello_ instead of _can i have ur url plz_ and that’s when they started talking almost everyday. His chats with ‘hyungwon’ - now ‘Won’ for short, became his favourite past time and something he’d always look forward to. 

It’s nice having a friend, even if they haven’t met formally. It’s pathetic, yet the truth. 

Not laughing whenever his classmates made ignorant ‘jokes’ meant being isolated from the rest and eating lunch alone, which was perfectly fine with him. The people he was stuck with until graduation were assholes, anyway. 

Having gone to military right after high school, Minhyuk was two years older than the rest of his peers, and this made befriending even harder. 

He’s not a child, and he’s in university for god’s sake. Everyone only cared about two things: their Starbucks order and finals. It didn’t matter who you sat with. 

Minhyuk was content. He had Monsta X, Won, and his other friends. 

Everything is fine. 

 

When Minhyuk found out that Won and him live in the same country, he excitedly asked more questions about where they studied, their age, and almost everything about them. 

He tried to come off as friendly and patient but he wanted to know more about his new internet friend and although they weren’t the most open person, Minhyuk still learnt a lot. 

For one, they’re both in Seoul and are around the same age; Won never specified. Apparently they’re already working and aren’t in university. That made Minhyuk a little disappointed, because if by some chance of fate, they could’ve been attending the same one.

But of course Minhyuk has terrible luck, so something like that would never happen. 

Initially, he thought Won was a solo fan, not caring about the other members because the only content on their blog was Hyungwon. However, after many conversations with them, Minhyuk realized they loved all of Monsta X, like he did. 

Their chats revolved around the group - starting with how he got into them, his favourite member (as if the url _hyunghyuk_ wasn’t obvious enough) and what his most treasured songs were. 

They definitely grew closer; enough for Minhyuk to talk to Won about his personal life and daily shenanigans. His friend is quite reserved though, never returning his enthusiasm in full but Minhyuk knew they cared. 

Soon enough, Won ended up discovering Minhyuk’s cheesy love letters dedicated to Hyungwon, and that day his face had remained permanently red. 

It had been an innocent question, about what the posts tagged with the love letter emoji were, and later that day, Won promptly liked all of the content inside said tag. The posts were public, so anyone could read them but to know that someone was _actually_ reading them was embarrassing. 

(God knows what Minhyuk would do if Hyungwon himself had found those.) 

His face flushes at the memory and he slaps himself out of his thoughts. He looks at his phone and remembers that Won had messaged him.

Despite all the months of friendship, Minhyuk never had the courage to ask for their number, hence they had to make do with Tumblr’s faulty messaging system. 

> **_hyungwon_ ** _  
> hey minhyuk, it’s soon._

Soon? 

Oh. That’s right. 

Two days ago, Monsta X’s official twitter account tweeted a comeback scheduler which made Minhyuk lose his shit, spamming Won with messages.

Unlike him and the rest of the fandom, Won was calm like they always were, and only laughed at Minhyuk’s sequence of key smashing and spongebob memes. 

They always had a knack for cryptic messages and he was surprised at how it was like Won could tell the future. 

On Saturday, as they were chatting, his friend dropped a random message about how Monsta X would probably tweet the scheduler for teasers soon. Minhyuk agreed, forgetting all about it until the next day. 

The teasers came so fast, Minhyuk didn’t have time to prepare himself. 

At 10pm on the dot, Kihyun and Jooheon - respectively the group’s main vocalist and rapper’s teasers came out and he nearly pissed himself. 

With his single brain cell, Minhyuk tried asking Won what they thought the concept would be and for once, was responded with uncertainty as well. 

Not having any idea as to what the coming comeback would be like, he dropped the subject, choosing to wait for the music video instead. 

 

Truthfully, he’s not as excited as he should be. 

Back in March, he was ready to go through the comeback with Won, only for them to tell him they’d be busier during that period of time. 

Even after promotions ended, Won only came online at odd times and they always missed each other. When Minhyuk asked them about it, they informed him they were on a long business trip overseas. 

To make matters worse, Monsta X had their concert in Seoul as a kickstarter for their world tour, and he wasn’t able to go having no money for ticket and transportation. 

The following live videos started at weird times as well, due to the time differences and Minhyuk missed all of them.

It sucked – he loved to watch their lives because of how intimate it felt, and sometimes, if he was lucky, a member would read his comment. 

The chances are almost non-existent but he remembers Kihyun reading one of his comments out loud. Minhyuk had called him a big-head, unsure of what it meant having just learnt the term. It was just funny to see the small vocalist huff in front of the camera.

Hyungwon never reads his comments, though. 

Minhyuk complained to Won about that, once, when Monsta X were finally back in Seoul. 

He whined about how Hyungwon would never read his comments and when he told Won his username on the app - Minhyuk only got laughter in response. 

That always happened. And it made him feel good, to have someone laughing because of him. Won’s happiness was his happiness and Minhyuk wished it could be like that all the time. 

They’re his special friend, after all.

That night, Hyungwon started a live and Minhyuk spammed messages of love and appreciation, insisting they rest up after the long flight.

And as if by some kind of miraculous coincidence, Hyungwon replied. 

He still remembers the exact words. 

“Oh? User _Hyunghyuk_ , thank you for the concern, I’ll be sleeping soon.” He laughed, eyes shining and Minhyuk’s face basically caught on fire. 

He’d felt this weird adrenaline and actually cried. Minhyuk still feels stupid for being dramatic but having someone you’ve been admiring for a long time notice you is a really big deal so he gives himself a pass. 

Almost everybody on Tumblr knew that was him and sent him a bunch of asks about it. All of which he ignored as he focused on screaming to his dear friend, Won - who didn’t reply until the next morning. 

His phone buzzes once again, and Minhyuk flinches.

> **_hyungwon_ ** _  
> minhyuk?_

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _im here! was just thinking about that one time hyungwon actually replied to my comment on vlive_  
>  _i still can’t believe that happened_  
>  _and his reaction was so cute…  
>  i love him so much wtf_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  you’re cute too. :)_

Minhyuk grabs the pillow resting next to him, presses his face into and yells. 

Ever since they started talking, Won would say that in passing and it’d break Minhyuk every. single. time. 

The sincerity of it made him want to cry. 

It’s not the first time he’s been called cute, but it feels so genuine from Won that Minhyuk always ends up flushing bright red. It’s stupid, how flustered he gets, because Won is obviously the cute one.

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _u have to stop saying that_  
>  _it’s not healthy for my heart_  
>  _i almost died >:-(_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  then perish_

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _ur killing me.  
>  ur killing ur friend :-/_  
>  _ur such a sweetheart won!!_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  i know.  
>  :)_

Won had this kind of humour that wouldn’t be funny to anyone else, and Minhyuk adored it.

> _**hyungwon**  
>  oh that’s right._

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  ?_

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _i won’t be able to enjoy their comeback with you again,_  
>  _i’m really sorry._  
>  _i do hope you manage to get into a fansign though!  
>  it’d be awesome if you could meet them, having been a fan for so long._

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _aw :-( that’s okay!! as a student i know it’s hard to keep up when real life duties call !_  
>  _but i’m also not the BEST student, so..._  
>  _and thank you!! i hope i get in too ;;  
>  you’d think i’d have gotten into at least one fansign after three years but nope_

Well it’s not like he can complain that much about not being to get in when Minhyuk only buys one album every comeback. 

> _**hyungwon**  
>  your luck really does suck.  
>  i’m hoping you get in though._

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  thank you!!  
>  have you ever been to one before???_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  yeah, just once.  
>  last year, during beautiful._

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  :-O!!!  
>  thats amazing??? how was it!!_

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _hm..._  
>  _it all happened really fast so i can’t really remember but,_  
>  _it was exciting._  
>  _being able to meet the fans  
>  other fans*_  
>  _and of course the members._

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  did u get nervous talking to hyungwon???  
>  if i saw him up close i’d probably cry_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  oh yeah, he’s really handsome.  
>  i’m much more handsome though._

Great, now Minhyuk really wanted to know what Won looked like. 

They never posted selfies, and even after he scrolled all the way to the bottom of their blog, he never saw a single post made by them. 

Everything was reblogged from other users and content creators. They were much more of a silent blogger than he’d expected. 

And maybe Won made an exception for Minhyuk. They’d told him once that they never messaged anyone else before - despite being quite a popular blog. That made his heart race, he’s so clearly whipped for his friend. 

His stomach growls, and Minhyuk looks at the time. It’s already eight, almost nine and he hasn’t had dinner yet. 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _u cant say that !!!_  
>  _i dont even know what you look like ;-(_  
>  _i gotta get dinner though so we’ll talk later!!  
>  if ur free !_  
>  _see you!!_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  you just have to imagine hyungwon, but much better looking.  
>  and enjoy your dinner, i’ll come on again before the next teaser drops._

Not to be biased, but Minhyuk really can’t imagine anybody who could be much more handsome than Hyungwon. 

And frankly, he doesn’t actually know what Won is. 

He vaguely remembers mentioning genders before, but doesn’t remember how the conversation ended. Gender neutral pronouns will just have to do. 

Shuffling out of bed, Minhyuk groans at the need to change. A shower was in due order too, having dived straight into bed upon returning home was kind of gross. He hasn’t even changed his clothes yet. Disgusting.

A while later he’d finished showering and moves out, leaving his phone to charge.

 

The convenience store is almost like his second home, the delivery service being on speed dial. 

The store’s bell chimes, indicating a customer has walked in and he strides to the premade food aisle. 

There are about twenty different meals to choose from, but he chooses the same every time - a bento set with chicken and pork alongside rice. What’s a meal without meat, right? 

Also because all the others have cucumbers in them for whatever reason. Cucumbers are evil and Minhyuk would rather die than eat them.

During his walk home, he finds himself thinking about Won. It’s not like he has nobody else to think about, but his mind constantly starts wandering back to his friend. 

Won was easy to talk to, and their conversations flowed seamlessly. They were also super sweet, always looking out for Minhyuk and as days passed, he found it harder and harder to stop talking to Won. 

Having someone who’d listen to him ramble on for hours was… new. Everybody Minhyuk had talked to before would change the topic as soon as he brought something up and he never got to share about anything. 

Constantly being pushed to the side and even being treated as other people’s therapist. They poured their problems onto him - which was fine, he loved helping others but they’d never give Minhyuk the chance to speak his thoughts. 

Won was different. They’d let Minhyuk excitedly share about his day, and things he saw on the way to school that reminded him of the members. 

It was that sense of fairness - _concern_ , that made Minhyuk adore them so much. 

Yeah, Won is undeniably charming, and Minhyuk _might_ like them. 

It’s great. Falling for someone you barely know is so fun. 

Of course, the internet isn’t the best place to get a crush on somebody. 

(When was the last time he even had a crush on anybody? High school?) 

Hell, what if Won’s actually an old man pretending to be a fan so they can pick up girls? Maybe he needs to investigate that first before anything else. 

What a pain.

By the time he’s home, the teaser is out. 

He speed walks to his phone and goes onto Twitter, unsure of what to expect. 

He had made one a while back to follow Monsta X’s official accounts and a few of his friends from Tumblr who were currently screaming on his timeline. 

After scrolling down, he sees the new set of photos. 

Shownu and Wonho. 

Their hair is the first thing Minhyuk notices and he’s so confused. They look good though, he thinks as he retweets.

As promised, there’s a message waiting for him on Tumblr. 

> _**hyungwon**  
>  how is it?  
>  they look cool dont they?_

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _yeah_  
>  _they both looked so gOOD?/??/  
>  do you think orange hair would suit me_

Dinner has always been a lonely affair, but ever since he started talking to Won, it’s not so bad. 

Usually Minhyuk would pull out a live to watch, pretending someone’s there but after meeting his friend, he decided he preferred their company better.

He sits at his study desk and opens the lid to his dinner. Grabbing a pair of chopsticks, he starts devouring the food.

Would orange hair suit him? He’s been dyeing his hair for as long as Minhyuk can remember but he’d never tried something as vibrant as Wonho’s current hair colour. Perhaps it’d be a nice change.

> _**hyungwon**  
>  what colour is your hair now?  
>  don’t go bald._

He tries to huff, mouth full of rice, some of it ends up flying out instead. And because it’s more important to document this, he tells Won, ignoring the mess that screams to be cleaned up. 

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  thanks just spat out my rice  
>  you’ll see it in a few days :-)_

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _disgusting._  
>  _and right, the 13th is coming.  
>  what kind of concept are you going for this time?_

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  its a secret !!_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  that’s mean.  
>  but understandable, it better be good._

No pressure at all. 

His stuffs another mouthful in and focuses on chewing as he types his next reply.

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  hey ive been meaning to ask!!!_

> _**hyungwon**  
>  yes?_

The reply is so fast Minhyuk starts to sweat. Wouldn’t people normally freak out at being asked that? Who on Earth replies so readily to something like that. 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _so like_  
>  _ive been using them, to refer to you in my head… because i dont know your pronouns…_  
>  _it’s not in your links either and im not rly surprised since theres like nothing on it but  
>  i mean so_

He’s rambling, in text form. Fantastic - typical Minhyuk.

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  what pronouns do you go by?????_

Minhyuk gulps down his food as he waits. Tumblr’s messaging system not having any chat bubbles normally made him feel less anxious but today it felt like the reverse was happening. 

He’s kinda hoping Won is a guy, though, since he’s gay but even if they were a girl, it’d be fine… probably. 

Maybe it’d be even better. His romantic feelings would cease to exist, and everything would be fine and dandy again. 

No more panicking over what to say and blushing over the slightest compliments. 

> _**hyungwon**  
>  im a man.  
>  sorry if you were expecting a cute girl._

Amen. 

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  no never!!  
>  im gay_

Oh shit he can’t just say that. That’s like, admitting he likes Won, so he thinks of an excuse on the spot. 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _oh but_  
>  _i like someone else  
>  so dont worry_

If he wasn’t eating dinner, Minhyuk would slam his head against the table. Why would Won even want to know who he likes? 

He stares at his screen but the reply that comes next takes a long time to come through and he manages to stress eat until his whole meal is gone. 

By the time Minhyuk finishes his last spoonful, there’s still no word from Won.

Did he fuck up?

Christ, what if Won’s actually homophobic and wants to cease all communication with Minhyuk? 

Sure it’s the first time he outright mentions his sexuality, but it’s in his about page so it shouldn’t be that much of a shock. And if Won really were homophobic, then Minhyuk would be the one doing the blocking.

He spends the rest of his time waiting, cheek against the table. 

“It’s not coming…” he mutters to himself like a dejected puppy.

Giving up, Minhyuk chooses to clean his area up instead, opting for a more sensible approach to pass time. 

With slow hands, as if Won would reply at any moment, he changes into more comfortable clothes and digs through his bag for his laptop. 

Maybe if he changed his device, the reply would come faster. 

(That’s total bogus, but Minhyuk will not go to bed without confirmation that they’re cool.) 

Half an hour turns into an hour, and by the time it’s midnight there’s still no reply. 

This is unsettling. 

Ignoring the pain in his chest, he opts to sleep instead. 

Sleep is a good cure for a lot of things, after all - Hyungwon once said so. 

Before it kidnaps him, he curls up, vaguely thinking about how lonely he is.

Then, because his mind detests him, Minhyuk starts thinking deeper. 

* * *

He’d always known he was gay - girls just didn’t do it for him. They never made his heart speed up, never made him blush and didn’t make him nervous. 

However, Minhyuk has dated girls before, desperately trying to force feelings of love because he found himself abnormal for never reacting like his male friends whenever a cute girl talked to them. 

Every girl he’s been with broke it off, always saying he’s never into the relationship and how it doesn’t feel like Minhyuk even cares. 

He couldn’t find an excuse, they were all right. 

At first, Minhyuk thought he couldn’t fall in love. 

Maybe whatever superior being up there just didn’t want Minhyuk to enjoy his youth. That’s the reasoning he gave himself anyway. 

Things changed in his last year of high school. There was a new transfer student, a guy, and he was just so pretty. 

Minhyuk’s never seen anyone as attractive as him. Not even the prettiest girl in class. 

His personality was just as beautiful as his appearance and Minhyuk felt something he never thought he could manage. 

Love. 

Being a pretty open person back then, Minhyuk talked to him first, asking him where he came from and just about _everything_ \- he was desperate to find out more. 

They ended up becoming good friends, maybe even Minhyuk’s best friend. He trusted the other with his life. 

When he got a girlfriend, Minhyuk pretended to be happy for him, and squashed the feelings of jealousy away. 

It wasn’t possible for him and his _male_ best friend to get together. 

(Minhyuk knows all too well. A year before, rumour had it that there was a guy in the neighbouring class who liked his other guy friend. Classmates and even people from other years would go up to that student and bully him. 

Kicking him, pushing him down stairs, you name it - they’ve done it. Minhyuk was there when one of his classmates called the rumoured gay student a slur he hated to remember, but he ignored the scene and walked away. 

Three months later that student disappeared.

Nobody felt remorse, nobody felt sad about his disappearance. It disgusted Minhyuk. Everybody celebrated having a “homo” out of their school and he never wanted to throw up more. 

He was even more disgusted of himself for ignoring everything that happened. In favour of saving his own face. 

Whenever somebody made a joke about how gays being trash, he’d bite his lip and try to drown out the laughter that followed.) 

Even after a year later Minhyuk ignored the constant insults at gay people, _his_ people and focused on the sensation of nails digging into his thighs instead. 

One day, his best friend asked him about it. 

About the rumoured gay student who ran away after enduring three months of bullying. 

He didn’t know what to say. 

Was Minhyuk to laugh at the poor boy’s life? Or was he allowed to let his true feelings show?

Which was it? He thought to himself in that moment, palms sweating. 

If he chose the wrong option, he’d suffer the same fate as the boy from a year ago. 

Minhyuk wanted to believe his best friend wouldn’t make fun of his sexuality but with straight people you could never tell. 

Under their skin they could be hiding a whole other self. 

Unsure and stressed, Minhyuk ended up crying. 

\--

After that day, he lost all his friends. 

Thankfully graduation was a month away and he waved his school good fucking riddance. 

Fearing his secret would reach his parents or worse - the locals, he ran. 

Military was his safest bet, not having to see any of his schoolmates who preferred going to university first. 

Oh, but his story doesn’t end there. 

The last person Minhyuk had wanted to see had the same plans as him and he hated how his heart still sped up at the sight of his (ex) best friend. 

Minhyuk was in love with someone he could never obtain and it was killing him. 

Being in the same room was suffocating, not to mention having to shower together. 

For some odd reason, he never mentioned Minhyuk’s sexuality to the other people in their batch. It made his life easier, and his shoulders relax. 

He could finally be at ease. 

Or so he thought - as slurs started getting thrown around like greetings. And _he_ \- the man he loved would start it all. 

Glancing in his direction and smirking, he’d greet Minhyuk with, “hey homo,” and nobody would bat an eyelash. 

Bile rose and he had to excuse himself. 

Days before they were done with service, he was cornered and his peaceful life ended. 

Minhyuk let the tears fall, causing the sight of his first love to blur and he blacked out. 

When his parents came to see him once he was back, they worried - asking him what happened to their _precious baby_ and who’d do such a thing? 

They considered complaining but Minhyuk waved it off, fake laughter and everything as he told them it was all “fun and games”. 

As soon as he could, he fled to Seoul, never looking back. 

Now, making friends was scary. 

What if they turned out like _him_? Making friends online who had similar interests and who were the same as him was so much safer. 

Minhyuk hates being alone, but sometimes it’s better than being surrounded by people who’d throw him away in an instant. 

Fuck his brain, he curses as tears start to slide down. Minhyuk curls up even more and prays that his friendship with Won won’t end the way all his others did. 

Finally, sleep collects him and everything turns dark, tears stains fresh on his cheeks and pillow. 

He doesn’t dream that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chap will be out in a few days, no less than four! have a good week ahead :-D


	2. Cause of death: one (1) mystery man.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pet names, contradictions, solitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i projected rly hard on this one

Waking up, Minhyuk realizes he doesn’t feel any better. It’s fine though, at least he doesn’t have to go to class. He can take all the time in the world to get up. 

Minhyuk usually checks his phone as soon as he opens his eyes but not wanting to be met with an empty notification center and disappointment, he decides to wash up first, taking as long as possible. 

Running away from reality has always been a hobby of his. 

As Minhyuk steps out of the bathroom, his eyes meet the phone sitting innocently on the desk and grimances. 

It’s Now Or Never (Monsta X, 2017) and he presses the home button. 

For one, it’s not empty. A far cry from that, actually. 

There are about twenty new messages, and a new tweet from one of the members. 

Upon closer inspection he realizes it’s a tweet from Hyungwon. 

He scrambles to unlock his phone, eyes wide. 

A selfie, and a caption asking Monbebes to sleep well. Minhyuk had completely missed it after falling asleep last night and it makes his day. 

It’s also enough to give him the confidence to open Tumblr and click on the smiling icon. 

_What happens next will warm your heart_ , he announces to himself in a news announcer voice as he reads the preview of the last message. 

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _minhyuk_  
>  _oh god i am so sorry_  
>  _i had to go to work_  
>  _shit_  
>  _i shouldnt have left like that_  
>  _im completely cool with that_  
>  _did you go to bed?  
>  i hope you’re sleeping well  
>  i really am so sorry_

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _hey, i know youre probably sleeping but look,_  
>  _hyungwon posted for you.  
>  rest well, love_

Wait. Wait.

_Wait._

His eyes zoom in on the last message, and all he sees is the word ‘love’, over and over again. 

Love?

Isn’t that what people who are dating call each other? 

Like, that’s a pet name. 

Minhyuk’s heart speeds up, almost beating out of his chest and his entire face grows warm, threatening to engulf his body in flames. 

There is so much to take in. 

Well, not really. He’s overreacting. Friends can call each other ‘love’ right? _Right?_

He takes a deep breath, and exhales. 

Won wasn’t disgusted. 

Won didn’t hate him. 

And he was also…kinda... flirting with him…? 

Everything was happening way too fast, the room was spinning and this was definitely _not_ real.

Convinced that he was still asleep, Minhyuk pinches himself as hard as possible only stopping when it starts to actually hurt. The redness of his arm and stinging pain that follows confirms that, yeah, this is happening. 

This is real, and this is not a drill. 

Aren’t they progressing a bit too fast? It felt as if Won followed him just yesterday. But in reality, eight months have passed and Minhyuk is smitten. 

_Terribly_ smitten with someone whom he’ll never meet. 

Letting out a mix between a sigh and a groan, he picks up his phone, doing his best to ignore the way his hands shake. 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _dont worry!! i know you didnt mean any harm !!!!_  
>  _i didnt think too much about it honestly_  
>  _i just went to bed :^)_  
>  _but knowing you accept me means a lot  
>  so thank you !!_

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _oh and i saw the tweet this morning_  
>  _he’s so cute he made my day ;-(_  
>  _i hope hyungwon knows i love him_  
>  _please rest up too won!!!  
>  dont overwork yourself :-0_

Choosing to ignore the term of endearment, he closes the app and turns the laptop he didn’t get to use on. 

On instinct, Minhyuk almost types Tumblr in the search bar, and remembers he has to do work so he deletes it. 

Knowing Won, he won’t come online for another few hours, and it’s the perfect time for Minhyuk to complete any assignments due soon. 

All he has going for him is his productivity so he gets started. 

The hours pass by, concentration fully on the tasks before him and by the time his stomach makes a noise indicating hunger, Minhyuk has completed almost all of his assignments. 

He allows himself to finally check his phone for new notifications but finds himself pouting. It’s already three and there’s still no reply. This isn’t the least bit surprising since Minhyuk already knows how busy Won is in the day. 

Even so, the latter always replies so there’s no need to mull over a message he’ll eventually receive, so he takes a shower and changes into presentable clothes. 

There’s still a lot of time, and Minhyuk can probably go exploring. 

Wednesdays really are his favourite, being able to walk with no destination in mind is fun, and the pictures he takes on his trip are nice to look at. 

Although there are days he feels too alone, solitude is still his best friend. 

Having walked back and forth the street so many times, he can probably make a map of it. Feeling particularly adventurous, Minhyuk goes further down, looking for new sights and sounds. 

He’s been fairly productive today, he thinks. So to reward himself, he’ll have pizza - his favourite. Though he doesn’t have it often outside since it’s a bit weird going to a pizza place alone and eating one whole pizza by himself. 

First he’ll have to find a pizzeria in this new street. 

There are shops lined up along the road, and it’s a pretty quiet place. He passes by all the small boutiques and window shops, knowing he doesn’t have the funds for new clothes. 

The weather is so nice, and it’d be cool if Minhyuk could get new clothes for the new season, but he’s neither rich nor an idol - every day he lives frugal. 

His working class parents support his studies but as for his personal needs, his part time job at the bookstore near his apartment will suffice.

Once the term ends, he should get another, then he’ll be able to splurge. 

Being a pizza expert, Minhyuk smells it before he sees the eatery. It smelt delicious.

The pizzeria is quaint, and there are very little customers. 

_Minhyuk First Win._

As he places his order, he starts wondering what going on dates - specifically, going on dates with Won - would be like. 

Immediately, he regrets it. The waitress gives him a look, seeing his face buried in his hands as she places his cup of water down. 

As he waits for his pizza, Minhyuk’s mind wanders off again, to a very dangerous place. 

Dates, dating. 

Date. 

The fruit. 

Or vegetable, he doesn’t remember. 

Back to the topic at hand - dates. 

What kind of boyfriend would Won be like? Is Won even interested in guys? 

Here Minhyuk was, thinking about what dating a possibly straight man would be like. 

Wait. No straight man would ever call another man ‘love’. Unless Won didn’t care about that kind of thing, then he really is meeting all of Minhyuk’s standards. _How devastating._

Maybe he was just lonely, but the imagined feeling of intertwined fingers and warm hugs made his whole body blush. 

Making an indescribable noise, Minhyuk bends so low his head almost hits the table. He’s burning up so much he feels like the sun, and he’s going to burst into flames and just. Die. 

Right there, in the pizzeria.

Cause of death: one (1) mystery man - who goes by the name Won and is supposedly more handsome than Hyungwon and definitely has a heart of gold. 

He mentioned once, that he was around the same height as Hyungwon, and Minhyuk’s neighbors came knocking on his door that night, wondering what the noise was all about. 

Yeah, he’s probably in love. 

Out of the corner of his eye he spots the familiar arm of the waitress, and sits up alright. Kind of like a puppy waiting for it’s meal. 

The food manages to distract him, and Minhyuk doesn’t think about romance, or dating anymore after he starts. It ends up being as good as he’d imagined and he feels full. 

Satisfied, Minhyuk grabs his bill and and heads to the cashier to pay. Food is also one way to distract yourself from your problems, he learns.

As he walks down the street, exploring the new area, his hand itches to check his messages but he can’t - not when his data is running out. 

(They should really exchange numbers.)

The wind blows in his face and he sighs. A giggling couple had walked past and it’s taking all of his power to suppress his intrusive thoughts. He was so distracted that he almost runs into a lamp post. 

Which reminds him of Hyungwon, and Minhyuk remembers that his concept photos are dropping tonight, landing himself into another screaming mood. 

_It should be illegal for groups to have comebacks_ , he thinks. 

There’s a part of him that really wants to turn back and wait for the teaser to drop, but there are a good six more hours to that, so he focuses on the reason he left in the first place.

Taking a better look at his surroundings, Minhyuk concludes that he adores fall. 

His birthday being a month away further deepens his love for the season and the fact that Monsta X seem to always comeback at this time helps. 

Not only that, the scenery is just so pretty, with the leaves falling and the trees fading to a beautiful orange. 

It’s the perfect weather for wearing comfortable clothes, and being able to walk outside with a sweater on without having to worry about sweating through the thick material is bliss. 

Sweater weather also means looking cute every day. 

Minhyuk continues his walk, relishing in the way the leaves crunch as he steps on them and feels his eyes light up at as Han River comes into view. 

When the sun dips below the river’s surface, Minhyuk feels like he’s in some sort of movie with the way the sun rays were hitting him. 

Sunsets are quicker as the seasons change and it’s only a matter of time before it disappears so he walks faster, hoping to catch the way the sky changes. 

Nature is fascinating and he loves it. 

By the time Minhyuk settles at his favourite spot, the sun is slowly going down and the sky changes from a soft blue to an even softer pink, mixing together. 

Immediately reaching for his phone, he snaps about ten pictures before waiting for more changes to happen. 

Won is going to love these and the other pictures he took along the way.

Minhyuk posted snapshots taken during his walks every now and then and about a month back, Won mentioned how nice they were to look at. Being a busy person, he understood not having the chance to appreciate Seoul’s landscape, so Minhyuk ensured that every week he’d have at least one picture to post. 

It was heartwarming to see Won reblog his photos, messing up his Hyungwon-only blog and tagging all sorts of compliments on the photoset. The praise made his heart swell, even though the words weren’t technically meant for him. 

Maybe he’s thinking about Won too much, but what about it? 

It’s not like Minhyuk likes him. 

Nope. 

_Liar_ , his intrusive thoughts resurface and he forces it back down and focuses on the sky instead, clearing his mind. 

Love? Never heard of her. 

His mind sure is annoying. 

The sun sets and he pushes himself off the railing he’s leaning on. 

Despite eating just a few hours ago, he’s suddenly hungry again and seeks out places to eat on the walk home. Spotting a ramen bar a little out of the way in an alley, he goes straight to it, knowing full well it looks sketchy. 

Surprisingly, the food is less than sketchy, and actually tastes delicious. He’ll have to tell Won about the bar as soon as he gets back. 

Because Minhyuk is a good _friend_ , who recommends his _friends_ places to eat.

 

When he arrives home, the first thing he does is take a shower, and afterwards flings himself onto his bed. 

The position similar to yesterday and really, everyday. 

While his hair dries, Minhyuk takes his phone and feels a smile creep onto his face at the amount of messages from Won. 

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _you don’t know how relieved i am._  
>  _and yeah, hyungwon sure posted for you!  
>  i’m glad it made you happy :)_

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _today’s wednesday, will you be posting more pictures?_  
>  _see you later tonight!_

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  hello!!!!! im back :-D  
>  the fact that you really wanted to make sure we’re cool is really nice, won_

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _yeah ! i walked a little bit further down today and managed to find han river!!_  
>  _i love the sunsets there :’-)_  
>  _we should go there sometime_  
>  _only if you want to though  
>  no pressure!!!!_  
>  _and if we can’t that’s okay! i have a lot of pictures from today! the sky was really pretty!!! did you catch it?_

And the waiting game begins, for both Won’s reply and the last set of teasers. 

He’s thankful there’s a break before the next thing drops, because after Hyungwon’s, he’ll definitely need time to recover. 

Not wanting to bother Won with too many messages, Minhyuk returns to killing time through various social media - making sure to retweet every new tweet from the members. It also serves as a distraction as he tries to forget ever asking to meet up. 

Minhyuk has thought about meeting Won before, and it gives him sweaty palms all the time. Although he’s never asked him outright and it was a spur of the moment thing. 

(Honestly, his intrusive thoughts just took over.) 

Waiting is nerve wrecking. 

Just five more minutes until the teasers drop, and Won hasn’t replied. 

Minhyuk bites his nails, an unhealthy habit of his, only surfacing when he’s super nervous. 

Two minutes. 

He wants to snap his laptop in half. 

A minute left, and the notification rings. 

His head moves so fast to the screen everything spins. 

Won _would_ answer right before the teasers. 

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _can’t wait to see your pictures, minhyuk._  
>  _i managed to catch some of it earlier, out the window.  
>  it was really pretty  
>  and made me think of you._

The nerves disappear, replaced by a feeling he’d rather not name. He sighs for what seems to be the hundredth time that day. 

Then his phone vibrates and it’s the fucking teaser. 

Minhyuk presses his face close to the screen and promptly screams. No filter or anything, just a single ear piercing scream that he prays his neighbors don’t manage to catch. 

It’s Changkyun and more importantly, Hyungwon. 

Of course Changkyun looks as handsome and cool as ever but Hyungwon. 

_God, Hyungwon._

Hyungwon steals all the air in his lungs and suddenly Minhyuk can’t breathe. 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _hyungwon?!?!_  
>  _he_  
>  _???????_  
>  _hello?!??????_  
>  _i literally stopped breathing for a second_  
>  _help ? ??? he’s so ????_  
>  _Handsome? Beautiful? Star stopping._  
>  _wait it’s show stopping_  
>  _whatever he’s just really .  
>  Attractive and i’m not straight _

The last part was probably unnecessary, but it felt good to finally have somebody to say that too, without getting judged. 

> _**hyungwon**  
>  hm i don’t know… changkyun looked really good too _

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  changkyuns like my baby but are you sure ur hyungwon biased_

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _no comment  
>  but hyungwon's outfit looks really uncomfortable to wear_

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _oh definitely i know fans like those kind of outfits but they’re so :-/_  
>  _those CANNOT be comfortable_  
>  _feelsbad  
>  i miss rush era where they got to wear really ?? normal clothes  
>  there’s no other way to put it _

> _**hyungwon**  
>  i agree. rush had the easiest clothes to wear. _

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  lol you sound like one of the members  
>  are u projecting_

> _**hyungwon** _  
>  _maybe.  
>  also you missed my reply when u went straight to yelling_

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  oh???  
>  let me check_

Scrolling up, Minhyuk winced, there really was a whole chunk of text that he missed. 

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _about meeting up…  
>  i’d love to but i don’t really have the time… sorry.. _

Well. It’s not like he hadn’t expected that. 

Won was well known for not being active on Tumblr - half his posts were queued and nobody (except Minhyuk) knew when he was actually online.

It still stung quite a bit though, and he tried his best to ensure his reply didn’t contain any disappointment. 

Last thing he wanted to do was make Won feel bad about having a life. 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _hey!!! it’s cool!!! i know you’re a busy man! gotta make that cash money u know_  
>  _can’t relate_  
>  _anyway! it’s fine!! just hmu if you ever want to meet :-D!  
>  i can wait! _

Crashing back onto his pillow, Minhyuk sighed. 

This would be the second time going to sleep so early. It’s really not a good sign.

Won replied, reassured and Minhyuk posted the pictures while talking to him. 

As usual, he was the first one to reblog it, tagging it with a bunch of compliments and talking about how pretty the sky and trees were. 

He tagged it with the special tag Won had reserved for his pictures and maybe, _maybe_ , Minhyuk died a little. 

Wishing Won good night, Minhyuk slammed his laptop shut, with no real force to it, and washed up. 

That night he couldn’t sleep until two hours later, tossing and turning. 

—

Contrast to his difficulties getting up, Minhyuk loves mornings. He is what they call a morning person. 

Still, he spends quite some time laying on his bed and fiddling with his phone before actually doing anything. 

Won doesn’t understand how he wakes up feeling refreshed everyday, constantly telling Minhyuk about his troubles and how his friend has to literally drag him out of bed. 

For once he thinks he can understand how Won feels. 

The sun is hitting him square in the face but Minhyuk doesn’t want to get up. 

Having slept less than five hours, accepting his fate of 8am classes might’ve been a bad decision. 

 

Yet half an hour later, he’s in class, wishing he could go back to bed. 

The people in the lecture hall are talking about something Minhyuk will never care about, laughing loudly. 

He cringes at the volume and pulls his hood over his head. 

During the whole lecture he’s not focused at all and mindlessly doodles on any blank space he can find. If Minhyuk tells Won about this, he’d probably be told off. 

The thought makes him smile. Sometimes Won would nag him about his life habits and Minhyuk finds it oddly endearing. 

The day passes by like it always has, though Minhyuk feels ten times more tired than usual. 

And by the time he’s home, he’s already nodding off. 

After bringing up the impossible meet up, their conversations return to normal and neither of them talk about anything particularly serious. 

At times, Minhyuk mentions Monsta X wondering what they’re doing and Won always manages to reply with activities that seem plausible. 

Furthering his theory that Won is secretly a psychic and can see into the future. 

And even though nothing big happens, Minhyuk still savors every conversation they have. 

Won always manages to make his day, whether he knows it or not. 

 

A few days later, Minhyuk is freaking out _again_ because they’re dropping teasers and it’s Monbebe Selca Day - the day where fans post pictures of themselves alongside their favourite members just for the heck of it.

Usually he wouldn’t be that nervous about putting his face online but Minhyuk’s still kind of scared. 

Sure there’s the sweet, sweet validation because let’s be honest - he’s fucking attractive, but there’s also the fear that it won’t be well received. 

Not that Minhyuk cares about what others think, it’s just… someone. 

Yeah, no.

Fuck it, he hits post and waits. 

The concept is meant to be soft and cute, hence his outfit and choice of selfie from Hyungwon. They match so well people might think he’s part of Monsta X. 

He laughs at that and refreshes his activity. 

There’s already one reblog, and it’s from Won. 

Which shouldn’t be surprising since he’s always been the first to reblog it but it warms his heart all the same. 

Minhyuk checks the tags in a spur of confidence and almost drops his phone. 

_#looking adorable as usual#my friend is so cute#your hair is so pretty#and you look good with hyungwon#but you’d look better with me_

Those tags are followed by a yellow heart emoji, the tag he uses for Minhyuk’s pictures. 

He doesn’t need a mirror to see it, his whole face is red and his palms have started sweating. The grin on his face is so instantaneous, he has to bite his lips just to stop himself from smiling. 

Immediately, Minhyuk goes to their chat and sends a message. 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _did u know i love you??? the most?????_  
>  _ur always so nice to me :-(_  
>  _you didn’t post anything but i’d say you’d look good with hyungwon too!!!!!  
>  i bet ur super cute too!!!! i love you !!!  
>  and it’s not i bet, you ARE the cutest and sweetest friend i have!!! _

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _ok ur my only friend_  
>  _but still.  
>  i’d die for you !!!! _

He spams a bunch of heart emojis after that and drops his phone onto his bed. 

The words “you’d look better with” echo around his head in a soundless voice and he’s really, _really_ stressed. 

Minhyuk is going to go bald before thirty and it’s all because _somebody_ keeps giving him mixed signals. 

Does Won want to meet or not? 

Groaning, he checks the post again and jolts up at the notes. 

50 notes in less than 10 minutes? 

He knew Won was always super popular, despite never showing his personality to anybody but Minhyuk. It was definitely because of his url and people would lose it whenever Won reblogged something out of the normal. 

That being Minhyuk’s posts. 

They were the only ones that weren’t Hyungwon or Monsta X related and those were the only posts where he’d actually write something in the tags. 

Minhyuk had been beyond flattered upon discovering that fact and it gives him an ego boost every single time. 

Won replies with a no problem, going into further detail about how _adorable_ Minhyuk is and how his new hair colour suits him. 

That much praise is going to get to Minhyuk’s head. 

* * *

When the next set of teasers get released over the weekend, Minhyuk yells and Won laughs - their usual antics. 

The film gets released when Minhyuk’s in class and he cries. 

It wouldn’t be the first time and his professor (the same one who saw the exact moment Minhyuk burst into tears when Monsta X got their first win) shakes her head and tells Minhyuk to leave.

Normally he’d be out of class by then, but it’s a make up lesson for a holiday Minhyuk doesn’t even remember and he goes home early. 

He spams Won with messages about how much his head and heart hurt from watching it and takes a picture of his red eyes for the fun of it. 

Won, typical Won, gives Minhyuk a list of things he makes sure he does in order to feel better and wishes him a good night. 

And casually calls Minhyuk _baby_ as they part. 

It was so sudden Minhyuk ends up crying again and goes to bed, pretending he never saw the message. 

 

The next day his face looks like shit. 

He blushes, accidentally reading the last message sent by Won and this time he thanks the other properly. 

Sarcastically, Minhyuk sends “have a good day at work dear,” and regrets it. 

Because in his head, it doesn’t sound sarcastic at all. 

 

Days pass by again, nothing big occurring and it’s a little boring - how unexciting it is. 

Although on Sunday, Minhyuk realizes the comeback is tomorrow, staring at the teaser in awe. 

Minhyuk sends Won a bunch of messages, expressing how shocked he is at how fast time has passed. 

Won laughs at his distress but sadly informs Minhyuk that he’ll be less active soon. 

Spamming Won with a bunch of emojis, the hollow feeling in his chest gets amped up two times.

Back when they’d just met, Won had to leave for awhile after the comeback too. 

Back then, he was fine. 

Now, Minhyuk thinks about how lonely it will be. 

How lonely _he_ will be. 

He wishes Won all the best with work, reminding him not to overwork and to take care of himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!!!! and if u left a kudo i love u!!!!!!!!!!!! if u leave a comment ill love u 2!!! if u dont do either thats fine!!! i love everyone :D


	3. Silly autocorrect? Silly Won.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First, Won was dense as fuck. 
> 
> Second, he didn’t have to message Minhyuk but he did. 
> 
> Third, he was dense. As fuck.
> 
> -
> 
> Minhyuk caves and asks for advice - discovering how oblivious his crush is in the process. 
> 
> He also gets lucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy shoot out third win im so fucking proud of them i hhHHhh 
> 
> anyway these 2 share a brain cell i cant believe this

On Monday, his notification center is empty.

Minhyuk sends a good morning message like he always does, not expecting a reply.

His phone remains still throughout the day, not buzzing even once, an obvious sign there are no new messages.

Even if his phone isn’t vibrating, Minhyuk is. 

From the excitement. 

As soon as his last lecture ends, he’ll watch the music video. 

He’d prefer if he could scream and all at home instead of muffled screams into his hand but Minhyuk would have to make do. 

The entire day his fellow classmates give him The Look, annoyed at how much his body is moving. 

They never said anything though, and Minhyuk briefly wonders why they don’t just tell him. 

Not that Minhyuk is going to stop anyway, he’s fucking excited and nothing is going to ruin this day. 

Time passes by unremarkably slowly and the amount of times he’s clicked his tongue is maybe too much. 

At this point he’s certain three people in the room want to kill him. 

It’s alright, Minhyuk knows self defense. 

(If flailing his arms aimlessly counts.) 

Finally. The numbers change from 59 to 00 and it’s six. 

But the lecturer shows no signs of moving, or dismissing them. 

_Fuck this_ , he thinks and goes to Youtube. 

Plugging in his earphones and effectively drowning out the world, Minhyuk clicks on the video. 

So many things happen in the span of those three minutes - Minhyuk’s heart pumps faster, like he’s in a marathon, he lets out a very loud scream upon seeing Hyungwon, and then the lecturer asks him to leave. 

He doesn’t move though, staying rooted to his seat as the music video goes on - eyes never leaving the screen once. 

By the end of the video, everybody is looking at him and the lecturer looks very not happy. 

“S-Sorry… I’ll leave now,” Minhyuk stands, bows and runs off so fast nobody gets to respond. 

Having packed his bag earlier, waiting to escape proved itself useful. 

Minhyuk starts typing in his chat with Won before deleting whatever he has. 

It might be annoying to send so many messages when Won is so busy. 

Instead, he makes a long text post, analysing and yelling over the music video. 

The post is messy, but it gets likes fast anyway, because Minhyuk is popular. 

Online.

Only on the internet. 

He’s stretching, calmly walking home when he abruptly stops, almost crashing into someone. 

Minhyuk hasn’t heard the other songs.

For a second he stays completely still in the middle of the pavement, deliberating. 

It’d be hard to appreciate the songs where he is now, though he really wants to listen to them. 

Suddenly, his stomach makes a noise that sounds incredibly acidic. 

Oh, dinner. 

Tossing the fan in him aside, he starts to hunt for food. 

The search is easy, as Minhyuk decides to just go for the first eatery he sees. 

Since it’d be faster to order takeaway, he waits for his packed food to come. 

Minhyuk is far from dramatic, but as soon as it comes, he pays and runs all the way home. 

Not caring about the way his meal has probably messed up, he slides on floor and onto his bed. 

Remembering he’s still carrying the bag containing his (probably) gross dinner, he sets it down onto the desk before returning to his bed. 

And then he remembers something else. 

He can stream the songs. 

Because he’s Korean. 

Because he has the app, on his phone. 

Rushing in was unnecessary and Minhyuk swallows nervously at the thought of his dinner. 

With a new found sense of calmness, he sits at his desk and opens the bag, taking his food out. 

As he eats, he looks for the album and hits play. 

 

By the end of everything, Minhyuk has gone from crying to fist bumping the air, all while eating. 

Minhyuk makes a post about each song and because of all the energy, messages Won, sharing what he thinks of the album. 

Knowing he won’t get a reply, he moves to clean up and counts down to eleven. 

Who on Earth decided to hold the comeback live so late? 

Not that Minhyuk needs the sleep, Monsta X are the ones who’ll be needing the whole twelve hours. 

Like the good student (who doesn’t leave class early for Hot Talented Korean Guys) he is, Minhyuk searches for the lesson notes he missed and revises. 

When he checks the time, it’s already a few minutes to eleven and he double takes. 

Quickly, his fingers fly over the keyboard and searches for vlive. 

The live is already on and rapidly gaining hearts. 

An astounding 200 million even before Monsta X have entered. 

Casually, he checks his phone and lets out a noise when he sees a notification. 

From Tumblr, from user hyungwon. 

He hadn’t expected this. 

Eyes darting from his laptop to his phone, he opens the app.

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _it seems like we like the same songs :)_  
>  _enjoy the vlive later! i won’t be able to watch it so tell me if anything interesting happens._  
>  _i’ll message you again soon, my manager is coming._

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _oh and, you don’t have to answer this but when you told me you like someone,_  
>  _who is it?_  
>  _hyungwon doesn’t count by the way_  
>  _although you don’t have to tell me_  
>  _you can always come to me for advice_  
>  _:)  
>  have a good night ♡_

Minhyuk collects his thoughts and tries to make sense of what he’s just read.

First, Won was dense as fuck. 

Second, he didn’t have to message Minhyuk but he did. 

Third, he was dense. As fuck. 

As he’s thinking of more observations, Shoot Out starts playing and he startles, dropping his phone. 

Leaving his volume at the maximum was a bad idea. 

Once the song ends, the members appear and Minhyuk muffles his scream with a pillow. 

Let’s get it. 

—

The next few days drag on and on, until his album finally arrives. 

For some reason it takes a week, even though he lives in Seoul. 

Whatever, he thinks as he rips the package open - a practiced move from all the comebacks. 

_It’s so beautiful._

Although it is kind of plain, being a solid colour but it’s still cool. 

With one hand holding his phone to record the process and the other on the album, he begins. 

“Unboxing video…!” He enthusiastically says in English behind the camera. 

As he cuts open the plastic film surrounding the album, Minhyuk talks about everything and anything. 

Talking behind a camera feels so easy, almost like he’s made for it. 

Though he rarely takes videos of himself, choosing to record the beauty of nature instead. 

Once the plastic is off, Minhyuk’s hands start to tremble. 

Only slightly. 

(So much the whole album shakes.) 

Picking up the album, he shakes it slightly letting the photocards fall faced down. 

All is good until he notices something amongst the similar designed cards. 

It’s grey, and shiny. 

His breath noticeably catches, and when he flips it over, he lets out a high pitched scream. 

Fansign. 

“Oh- Oh? I? I’m… Me? Lee Minhyuk…” Trying to collect his thoughts, Minhyuk takes a deep breath. “Lee Minhyuk is going to a fansign!” He shouts. 

The camera shakes, and in sync, he shakes the small card. 

His ticket to heaven. 

“Okay. Okay. I’m okay.” Setting the card aside gently, Minhyuk continues, “if I get Hyungwon I will start crying.” 

Almost shyly, Minhyuk flips over the first photocard. 

The camera wobbles so hard, viewers would think there’s an earthquake. 

It’s a Hyungwon and Changkyun pair. 

His mouth opens to respond, but Minhyuk closes it, knowing he probably can't form words. 

Using hand gestures, he points to the next photocard.

The camera wobbles again. 

His hand gestures turn more and more all over the place, a sign of excitement. 

By the end of it, Minhyuk is certain the video is unviewable and his voice is gone. 

All the photocards he’d gotten had Hyungwon in it. 

Is this where all his luck went? 

Would Minhyuk die before the fansign or something? 

He takes a quick snap of the album, alongside it’s contents and uploads everything onto Tumblr. 

Next, he messages Won.

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _won? you will not believe what happened_  
>  _all my photocards contained hyungwon?? like. i’m happy but so?????_  
>  _is this real life_  
>  _not only that_  
>  _i’m going to their fansign?????_  
>  _this is too much  
>  there’s one on the third of november god that’s so soon_  
> 

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _wait_  
>  _that’s my birthday_  
>  _oh my god_  
>  _i’m going to see monsta x on my birthday????_  
>  _i know i’m spamming you but holy shit_  
>  _i’m going to cry_  
>  _nvm i’m already cryijg_  
>  _whoever. whoever did this. whoever sorted the albums thank you so much_  
>  _i’m so happy :-((  
>  i love monsta x _

Scrolling up, Minhyuk reads their past messages and realizes he never replied to Won.

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _shit just noticed i forgot to reply??_  
>  _i do… like somebody…_  
>  _fyi i have no friends_  
>  _in real life_  
>  _so_  
>  _that should narrow it down for you_  
>  _and_  
>  _i think i might_  
>  _take you up_  
>  _on that love advice offer.._  
>  _thank you!!! so much_

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  hope you have a good day at work! don’t overwork yourself!!  
>  love u :~)_

He picks up all the photocards, placing them into a sleeve. One for each. 

Minhyuk takes the Hyungwon photocard and places it in his wallet because he’s cheesy like that. 

Afterwards he places the album with the rest of his Monsta X ones on the shelf and goes to bed. 

Nothing is real. 

_This cannot be happening_ , is the last thought Minhyuk has before passing out. 

—

Of course it’s not real. 

Well, it is.

The card is there in his hands… 

But. 

There had to be a but. 

It’s not guaranteed Minhyuk will get into the fansign with just the card alone. 

Thank you Starship. 

He wants a refund, and his excitement back. 

Way to get someone’s hopes up, really. 

This doesn’t mean he’s lost all hope however, on the contrary, he’s more determined to get into the fansign now. 

Only ten people with the special card are allowed inside. 

After applying for every fansign, Minhyuk goes to every religious place he can find and prays. 

He almost considers summoning a demon just to secure a spot. 

Naturally he doesn’t because Minhyuk needs to ensure he’s alive. 

How else would he get to hold every member’s hand? 

Every day he refreshes his emails, his notifications on the fancafe, desperately hoping for confirmation. 

 

And then, just days before his birthday, on the first of November - it comes. 

Lee Minhyuk is officially going to a fansign. 

After three years, he’ll finally be able to talk to them.

Face to face. 

It’s almost like a dream. 

Oh, but it isn’t. 

This is reality. 

In three days, he’s going to meet the loves of his life. 

He needs to let the real love of his life know. 

As Minhyuk was waiting for confirmation, Won had spent a lot of time reassuring him that he’d definitely get in. 

Neither of them brought up Minhyuk’s love interest, and he preferred it that way. 

Asking for love advice… from the person he liked might’ve been too risky. 

Although, everybody except Won already seemed to know. 

Two days ago, as he was feeling stressed, Minhyuk decided to reblog an ask game in which people would send him a user they shipped him with. 

All of the asks he received mentioned Won, or his url. 

Minhyuk forwent answering all of them and just took a screenshot. 

He posted it and tried, key word - _tried_ , to sound as unflattered as possible. 

Which is basically impossible since he adored Won, and was honoured to have been paired with him. 

Amongst the one word asks, there was one which explained why they’d like to see them together. 

It’s the only ask Minhyuk never showed. 

The ask had been haunting him and he still remembers the exact words. 

> _**anon said:**  
>  i ship you with tumblr user hyungwon, won, because you two are so cute together?? like i see your interactions on tumblr and i get ?? so happy inside i’m not even either of you but? it’s so obvious they enjoy talking to you (1/3) _

> _**anon said:**  
>  and there’s also how Won has a tag just for you?? they never even reblog anything but hyungwon? yet they reblog all of your pictures and says you’re cute?? hello… they dont even call hyungwon cute… you’re clearly special to them and i know you like them. (2/3)_

> _**anon said:**  
>  so i think you guys should really go for it!! i’m rooting for you two :-) have a good day! apologies if i overstepped my boundaries though, i just think you guys would make an adorable couple! congrats on getting that fansign card btw, hope you get in! (3/3) _

Admittedly, Minhyuk was worried it was a hate ask due to the length of it. Instead, he was flattered at the thoughtfulness of the mystery person. 

And to add onto his shock, it was in Korean. 

Not wanting anybody (and God forbid, Won) to see the asks, Minhyuk kept them in his inbox and wrote a post instead. 

There he thanked them and said that he’d try his best. 

Nobody really paid mind to it (being in Korean and everything) so Minhyuk never knew if they saw it. 

Even though he did mention trying his best, it didn’t feel like it. 

Besides, there wasn’t much Minhyuk could do, other than wait for Won’s replies. 

He knew Won was a busy man and didn’t want to disturb him too much. 

Though there was some fear. 

The fear that Won would forget about Minhyuk, choosing to never come back onto Tumblr. 

The fear that Won would get tired of Minhyuk. 

Because he wasn’t some idol, Minhyuk was normal. 

With a presence that mirrored ghosts.

Nobody gave him a second glance when he walked past. 

Nobody cared.

Minhyuk hopes, that somewhere - in an alternate universe, he’s loved. 

That he’s someone who is remembered for being a positive influence in somebody’s life. 

The Minhyuk here can’t have a powerful impact on others. He’s too insignificant to be remembered. 

So he hopes. 

 

After his terribly sad internal monologue, Minhyuk finally sends Won a message, informing him of the news. 

Won replies almost immediately, surprising Minhyuk. 

That’s a first, since Monsta X came back.

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _that’s amazing!_  
>  _i hope you have fun!  
>  will you be getting the members presents? _

Despite being the source of his heartache, Minhyuk finds himself smiling.

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _thank you!! i wish you were going too :-(_  
>  _i would be less nervous if i were with you_  
>  _and yeah i am!! good thing i worked extra hard!_  
>  _i don’t know what to get them though  
>  are you free??  
>  can you help me?? if ur not its fine!! _

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _oh no i’m totally free right now,_  
>  _just on break._  
>  _i can help you ask  
>  the members_

> _**hyunghyuk**  
>  ? ???_

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _shit sorry i meant like._  
>  _my friends._  
>  _they’re super big fans of monsta x and have gone to almost every fansign._  
>  _so they’d know._  
>  _silly autocorrect.  
>  be right back! _

Silly autocorrect? Silly Won.

Work must’ve been really hard for him, to make a mistake like that. 

As he waits, Minhyuk hopes Won isn’t pushing himself too hard.

When he comes back and tells Minhyuk their suggestions, he almost flies out the door, wanting to secure gifts as fast as he can. 

Before that, he wishes Won well at work and then runs out.

On the walk (he gave up running one minute in) to the mall, Minhyuk ponders. 

It must be nice, having friends who like the same things as you. 

Once again, he sees the difference between them and wonders if it’s even possible for Won and him to be together. 

Minhyuk has never seen the guy, they’ve never called each other either. 

They can’t anyway, not having even exchanged numbers. 

Maybe this was a lost cause. 

He still likes Won though. 

A lot. 

At this rate, that love advice might actually be necessary. 

Though it’d be funny if Won remained clueless after giving Minhyuk love advice on himself. 

He can already picture it; Won will ask him who it is, Minhyuk tells him it’s someone from Tumblr and Won will _still_ ask who. 

It’s not even like he talks to anyone else on a regular basis, Won is just that oblivious. 

Oh well. 

Who cares about him when Minhyuk is going to meet his happiness (plural) in a few days? 

Finally focusing on reality, he hums as he skips to the mall. 

 

Two hours later, Minhyuk is lugging five bags home. 

His wallet is also crying. 

That’s alright, gifts are worth the expense. 

Now all he has to do is write cards for each member. 

This is happening. 

He’s going to meet Monsta X. 

He’s going to hold their hands. 

And he’s Not going to fuck up.

That’s the one thing Minhyuk will make sure happens. 

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and if he messes up Minhyuk will never see the light of day again. 

Effectively killing his sleep schedule, he stays up writing the cards and goes to school without sleeping a wink. 

One more day. 

The countdown begins and this will definitely make up for not being able to attend a single music show. 

Thank God the fansign is on a Saturday, because Minhyuk can’t afford to miss any classes. 

Not when finals are right around the corner. 

His education is all he has. 

His grade point average _defines_ him. 

Because his personality can’t. 

Thinking about such upsetting things is not a good way to start the day. 

Or rather, to continue the day. 

And somehow, with a lot of sweet coffee, Minhyuk makes it through his classes. 

At six, he leaves so fast there’s a breeze. 

Starting from now, it’s Minhyuk’s R&R time. 

He needs to look his best, and the growing eyebags aren’t going to cut it. 

After a balanced meal that isn’t convenience store food, he heads home. 

Upon reaching home, he washes up and dresses in his most comfortable clothes. 

Minhyuk takes a packet of face mask and puts it on, scrolling through his dash to check for updates. 

Won hasn’t messaged him since yesterday. 

Hovering over the smiling chat icon, he considers just fucking it and asking for that advice. 

Honestly, there’s nothing he could possibly lose. 

Minhyuk will never meet Won anyway, this means he won’t be embarrassing himself. 

Patting his cheek lightly for moral support, he goes for it.

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _hey! ur probably busy but_  
>  _when u see this…_  
>  _i was hoping for that love advice_  
>  _u proposed the other day  
>  i think i have to make my move_  
>  _but i dont know how :-(_

After sending his message, Minhyuk quickly locks his phone and moves to remove the mask.

Running away again. 

Although it isn’t actually running away, since he’s just doing something else, it feels like it. 

While delicately peeling off his face mask, his phone dings and Minhyuk rips it off in shock instead. 

Ouch. 

Trying his best to contain his excitement (nerves?) he splashes his face with water. 

The containment doesn’t last long as Minhyuk runs towards his bed and jumps onto it. 

Reaching for his phone, he presses the home button. 

_One new notification from Tumblr._

He really, really wants to scream.

> _**hyungwon**  
>  oh, don’t worry i’m not busy at the moment.  
>  what do you need help with?_

It’s not like Minhyuk thought Won would ask, but it’s disappointing that he won’t get to give hints.

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _well_  
>  _the person i like…_  
>  _i’ve never met them before  
>  neither have i heard their voice  
>  or seen their face_

Minhyuk gives hints anyway.

> _**hyunghyuk**_  
>  _since we only talk online im worried_  
>  _that one day they’ll get bored of me_  
>  _so i want to confess as soon as possible_  
>  _and maybe meet_  
>  _but i dont know how to ask_  
>  _theyre a pretty private and busy person…  
>  what should i do?_

It’s so obvious at this point, he’s certain Won will know.

Except he doesn’t.

> _**hyungwon**  
>  oh that sounds tough.  
>  do i know this person?_

Won really doesn’t know they’re talking about him. 

Minhyuk doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

(Instead, he chooses to love.) 

Love the person who can’t take a hint because it’s kind of endearing.

> _**hyungwon**_  
>  _but confessing.._  
>  _that sounds like a lot of stress_  
>  _why dont you wait until after the fansign_  
>  _it’s tomorrow isn’t it?_  
>  _i do think you should tell them,_  
>  _but maybe not now._  
>  _what if you change your mind?_  
>  _or someone better comes along..._  
>  _not that liking this person is bad or that they’re bad but,_  
>  _you should probably…_  
>  _think it through..._  
>  _or not! focus on the fansign for now!_  
>  _sorry i have to go work calls!_  
>  _good night and dont stress about it!_  
>  _sweet dreams,  
>  deer. _

Deer?

Wait. What if Won realized Minhyuk liked him and didn’t want Minhyuk to confess. 

That must’ve been why he was so against confessing. 

Or, Won just wants Minhyuk to be calm for the fansign tomorrow and is actually just looking out for him. 

Either way, looks like he’s not confessing any time soon. 

Won didn’t even mention the part where he was afraid of growing apart. 

No point dwelling over it though, Minhyuk needs to sleep early. 

Packing all his gifts properly, he waves off picking an outfit, certain it won’t be that hard.

Day zero to fansign.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!!! look forward to the next chapter hehe have a good day!! :D


	4. More than you'll ever know.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Minhyuk versus a fansign, who will win?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was the easiest chapter to edit omg lmao sorry its a bit shorter than the other ones tho !!

It was, in fact, quite difficult. 

First of all, Minhyuk had woken up a whole half an hour later, effectively narrowing the time he could use to get ready. 

Second of all, he still didn’t know what to wear. 

All of his clothes were laid out on his bed in front of him and for some reason, none of them looked appealing enough. 

If only Minhyuk was an idol with unlimited supply of cute clothes. 

Glaring at the clock, he gives up and searches for good outfit combinations on Naver. 

Finally, he finds a presentable outfit and throws it on. 

Just two hours before the fansign starts. 

He’s wearing a dirty yellow turtle neck, a jacket and ripped skinny jeans. 

Minhyuk styles his hair, making sure to make it extra fluffy and puts on some makeup. 

(Not that he’s trying to impress anybody, it just seemed like a good idea.)

Scrambling to get all his gifts onto his arm, he checks his messages one last time before leaving. 

There are no new messages, and he tugs the laces on his boots a little too tight. 

Won was probably busy again, no matter. 

When Minhyuk is on street level, he spots the bus he’s supposed to get on coming and makes a run for it. 

Which isn’t the smartest idea, since he’s carrying five bags and they’re all bouncing around uncomfortably but Minhyuk makes it on. 

The things he does, just for an idol group.

Though they are much more than that. 

They’re his comfort on days where he’s feeling down, his source of energy and yeah, Minhyuk doesn’t mind the amount of effort he’s putting in for them. 

Monsta X deserve all the love. 

As soon as he’s settled onto the bus, Minhyuk snaps a selfie, making sure to post it everywhere except Tumblr because his phone bill would cry. 

A few minutes later, his hands start to sweat. 

Maybe he should’ve worn something more eye catching instead? 

God, he needed to rehearse his lines. 

Minhyuk knows how little time fans have so he makes sure to practice lest he mess up and waste the opportunity. 

Practicing just stresses him out even more. 

Shaking his head, as if to shake the nerves away, he plugs in his earphones instead. 

There’s still a lot of time. 

Music is the fastest way for Minhyuk to relax and he selects on Monsta X. 

Putting their songs on shuffle, he manages to fall asleep to Hyungwon’s voice in If Only. 

When he finally wakes up, the bus is just a few metres away from his stop. 

Minhyuk hurriedly reaches for the bell and presses it. 

Rushing to gather his items, he makes sure nothing is left behind before getting off. 

 

It’s one thing being told you’re going to a fansign, and a whole other actually standing in front of the venue. 

The place isn’t big, or maybe it is - Minhyuk wouldn’t know, but it sure is daunting. 

There a bunch of other fans standing outside, talking to one another. 

He sticks out like a sore thumb. 

For one, his hair is a soft red-turning pink.

And Minhyuk also happens to be the only guy. 

Or maybe there are more male fans, and he just hasn’t seen any yet. 

Either way, for now he’s definitely the odd one out. 

Unsure of what to do, Minhyuk walks around aimlessly, tweeting his problems away. 

People wish him good luck and he thanks them. 

Minhyuk decides to search for 'Monsta X fansign', hoping some sort of information appears. 

And the power of technology comes through. 

Details about where to go, when it starts, literally everything comes up as well as fansites selling goods. 

Thirty minutes. 

Just thirty more minutes until Minhyuk loses his mind. 

He finds an empty spot to sit down, mainly because the bags he’s carrying are killing him and takes a break. 

Almost immediately after he settles down, somebody comes up to him. 

“Are you hyunghyuk? From Tumblr?” The person asks and Minhyuk has to stretch his neck up to look at them. 

They - she, has her eyes wide, and her hands are holding a phone. 

Still in shock, he almost says no. 

“Oh, yeah. I am. Nice to meet you…?” He trails off, prompting for her name. 

She asks for a picture after introducing herself as Wonbebe on Tumblr. 

Frankly, Minhyuk can’t remember anyone that isn’t Won, he nods anyway, because he’s polite. 

They take a picture and more girls come. 

“Are you going to meet Won?” One of them ask out of the blue, as he returns her phone. 

Minhyuk freezes, not expecting Won to be brought up. 

Quickly, he collects his thoughts and smiles. “No, I won’t be able to meet him until much later, I think.” The girl looks disappointed, and honestly? Mood. 

She wishes him all the best and he thanks her. 

When she leaves, no one else comes. 

Finally, some peace and quiet. 

Not. 

The doors to venue opens and a security guard comes out to let them in. 

Minhyuk gathers his gifts and lines up, surprised at the organization of it all. 

Not to be biased, but Minhyuk wishes Hyungwon will end up on the left, where he’s seated. 

A few songs come and go as everybody waits and Minhyuk takes the time to observe. 

Fansites had enormous cameras with them while other fans had at least somebody to talk to. 

Unfortunately his seat buddy didn’t seem interested in conversation. 

She didn’t even glance at him. 

Minhyuk’s pretty attractive, it’s a big hit to his ego, being ignored like that. 

No matter, he’s here for six men, not teenage girls. 

The music stops. 

And the screaming starts. 

The girl on his right lets out a high pitched scream that Minhyuk didn’t even think was possible coming from such a silent girl and flinches. 

He joins in, just for the fun of it. 

Apparently his screams don’t really blend in to the chorus of cries. 

Because at the exact moment Minhyuk screams, all six heads turn in his direction. 

At least someone appreciates him. 

Under the gaze of his favourite people, and about hundred other fans, he flushes. 

Awkward. 

Minhyuk brings his collar up to his face, desperately trying to hide it. 

The stares last for about a second, even though it feels like an eternity and pulls his shield back down. 

Way to increase his stress. 

They introduce themselves and Kihyun waves excitedly at everybody, the gesture makes Minhyuk’s heart warm and the nerves slowly start to disappear. 

Finally getting a good look of Hyungwon, he almost starts crying. His heart is so, _so_ weak and Hyungwon is too fucking handsome and adorable.

He’s without a doubt going to cry. 

 

After that time passes by incredibly fast and before he knows it, it’s his row’s turn. 

Which is terrible, because Minhyuk is in the worst state possible. 

His confidence disappeared the more he watched others talk to the members so casually and now he’s fucking scared. 

Thankfully he’s one of the last in his row, giving him ample time to practice. 

When Minhyuk makes it to the stage where the members are seated, he looks like a lost shopper. 

The order was something he had memorized - Hyungwon ended up sitting at the far left, facing Minhyuk who almost went into cardiac arrest after making eye contact numerous times. 

First up would be Shownu followed by Changkyun, Kihyun, Wonho, Jooheon and lastly, Hyungwon. 

He was fine. 

This would be a piece of cake, Minhyuk was _great_ at talking even though he didn’t have much experience talking to others. 

No one really wanted to talk to him anyway.

But that’s okay! Monsta X are here and they’ll gladly talk to him. 

As he waits for his turn, Minhyuk tries the breathing exercises he’d read up on the bus and rereads his script ten times. 

Before he can even get the chance to do the final exercise, somebody pushes him to the chair in front of Shownu. 

This was happening way too fast, Minhyuk thinks as he passes Shownu his album. 

While the idol signs it, he takes the stuffed bear from his bag and places it on the table. 

Shownu’s eyes light up at the gift and his cheeks are so round, the urge to pat them is strong. 

Minhyuk tries his best to fight down a blush as they hold hands and Shownu just smiles brightly, encouraging him. 

With renewed confidence, Minhyuk manages to talk to every member without stuttering and tells them everything he prepared - varying from words of appreciation to compliments. 

As he’s in a heated debate with Jooheon over whose dog is better, he spots Hyungwon from the corner of his eye, staring at Minhyuk. 

Suddenly overwhelmed, a noise of stress leaves his mouth and suddenly Dambi doesn’t seem like she could win against Sanche. 

Hyungwon didn’t have to listen so attentively to their conversation about dogs, but he _is_ and Minhyuk isn’t going to survive. 

Jooheon laughs at his inability to continue the argument and shifts his album towards Hyungwon. 

On the way to the next chair, Minhyuk almosts trips on air and sits down, embarrassed at the unsightly display. 

“H-Hello…” His voice is unusually quiet and tears of a mix of stress, happiness and nerves start to form. 

God, Minhyuk was really going to start bawling in front of his idol, his most cherished person. 

Fearing that the waterworks would start, he rushes his script and instead of saying, “I love your new songs,” Minhyuk says, “I love you so much.” 

Clearly it takes both of them by surprise as Hyungwon stops signing to look at him properly and Minhyuk’s dam breaks. 

It’s so dramatic but the tears just won’t stop because he’s obviously fucked up even though what he said wasn’t wrong. 

Hyungwon struggles to form words and it’s just a difficult time for both of them. 

The guard starts to rush them and Minhyuk wants the floor to open up and just eat him whole. 

He ruined the only chance he’d ever get and all he did was profess his undying love for someone he can never date. 

He places Hyungwon’s stuffed toy - a turtle, and card on the table, collects his album and stands to leave.

That’s when Minhyuk feels a hand on his wrist. 

It’s Hyungwon and he reaches out to interlace their hands. 

Using his sleeve to dry his tears, he lets out a confused noise and starts crying again when Hyungwon softly whispers, “I love you too.” 

That smile is blinding and bad for his heart. 

Alas, Minhyuk is too tired - emotionally and physically to respond but when Hyungwon squeezes his hand, he wonders if he’d imagined the next thing that follows. 

“ _More than you’ll ever know_. Happy birthday,”

Hyungwon lets go of Minhyuk’s hand when the guard taps on his shoulder, signalling that he’s overshot his time with the fan. 

Walking back to his seat in a daze, he wonders if the burning sensation on his wrist is real. 

Minhyuk sits back down and stares into space, questioning his existence as the tears continue to fall. 

When the fan from before returns to her seat, something changes. 

With sympathy evident in her eyes, she passes Minhyuk a packet of tissues and pats his back. 

Her kindness makes the tears fall harder.  
He spends the rest of the fansign sniffling and trying his best to avoid Hyungwon’s eyes. 

It sucks that Minhyuk can’t even remember what the conversation with the members were like, the only thing lingering in his mind is the soft spoken declaration of love, followed by a birthday wish.

How did Hyungwon even know it was his birthday?

Minhyuk stares at his hand, feeling all too empty and plain confused. 

The members start to leave and he accidentally makes eye contact with Hyungwon, despite his efforts and his heart skips a beat - although it still feels hollow. 

Minhyuk thinks it’s his imagination playing tricks on him again as Hyungwon nods in his direction and wonders whether they’ll ever meet again. 

 

Completely exhausted, he falls asleep on the bus with a promise to his followers that the fansign experience will be posted the following day.

When he reaches home and glances at the mirror, Minhyuk almost punches it. 

Makeup shall not be worn on days where tears will flow ever again. 

Without bothering to check his social media accounts, he falls onto bed after washing up and immediately heads to dream land. 

For some reason, Minhyuk thinks about Won when he rises and then Hyungwon, because of the similarity in names and is on the verge of tears again. 

He eats cereal straight out of the box like a barbarian and writes his fansign experience at the same time. 

After hitting post, Minhyuk realizes just how little he remembers from the other members and gets a little sad. 

Monsta X are a six man group, it’s not fair. 

No point beating himself up for being a shit fan now though, so he promises to give the rest more attention next time.

(If there even will be one.)

Once every account has the fansign experience on it, he goes back to Tumblr. 

There was a single message that Minhyuk didn’t check, choosing to write his post first. 

It was right before the fansign, from Won, wishing him luck. 

His heart tugs. 

No one had wished him a happy birthday. 

All the messages he’d received were about the fansign, nobody seemed to remember it was also Minhyuk’s birthday. 

That was fine, he wasn’t a very memorable person anyway.

Still, he curses himself for giving a shit about his data, since it was the reason why he saw the message so late. 

Sending a quick thank you, Minhyuk puts down his phone not expecting a reply so soon. 

His phone buzzes, breaking his expectations and he drops his spoon. 

Reading the response while picking up the spoon causes him to drop it again. 

Leaving the spoon on the floor, Minhyuk reads the message five times to ensure it does say what it says.

* * *

> _**hyungwon**  
>  do you want to meet?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay we're HITTING IT CLOSE GUYS.... its coming.... but its only gonna come like 6 days later bc i failed math and now we ALL have to wait :/ 
> 
> sorry DJHHJHJFHJ
> 
> happy birthday minhyuk!!!!


	5. You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the feeling of being with his favourite person, enjoying time alone with him with simple acts like talking and Minhyuk realizes he’s in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI!!! surprise ayesha this was ALL for you!! i love you so much thank you for always encouraging and helping me with my fics it's also past our one year friend anniversary and im so !!? that we've been friends ever since ghost fic im so happy to have become friends with i love u so so much i hope u have a fantastic day <3!!

After staring blankly at his phone for six minutes, he finally replies, asking if Won wants to meet today. 

And as if he had been waiting, Won responds that yes, he does. He also asks if Minhyuk is free and that he’ll be waiting at Han River in two hours. 

What would Yoo Kihyun do in this situation? He tries taking it from an objective point of view, making sure to add into the discussion that Won could very well be some sort of serial killer. 

However, Minhyuk’s internal discussion is useless as he replies that he’ll be free and that he’ll see Won in two hours. 

He grabs the bag of cereal, puts his face into it and lets out a scream. 

Minhyuk is going to meet his best friend. 

And crush. 

Putting the cereal back into its box, he keeps it and moves to the closet. 

Which is still messy from yesterday. 

Deciding to forgo making another mess, Minhyuk picks up the oversized sweater sitting inside alongside the pair of jeans from yesterday. 

The pair of combat boots he wore were a pain, so he opts for his Vans instead. 

No makeup either. 

Minhyuk doesn’t need to look like a witch, nor does he need to embarrass himself two days in a row. 

In order to clear his head, he walks the journey discovered a month ago to Han River and tries to think of what to say. 

It doesn’t really help clear his head at all but whatever.

He also considers getting Won a present as he walks past a flower shop. No way. Flowers didn’t always have to be romantic, yet it still felt like too much if Minhyuk gave Won flowers. 

Hence he passes up on that idea and continues on his way. 

Not caring about his data anymore, Minhyuk messages Won again and tells him that they can meet at the convenience store facing the river and he agrees. 

Maybe it’s because of his nerves but he ends up reaching a lot earlier than the meeting time. It’s only two and Minhyuk has an hour to kill. 

He ends up eating two cups of ice cream and buys five bottles of water, three of which are already in the recycling bin. 

Just by eating, the hour flys by. 

After coming out from the toilet, Minhyuk looks around, disappointed that Won (or anybody that could be him) isn’t here yet. 

Minhyuk faces the river, enjoying the cool breeze as he views the low quality pictures from yesterday’s fansign. 

Just by staring at the blurry pictures he can already feel a wave of nausea, proof of how badly it went. Telling Won about the awful impression he made on Hyungwon will probably make him feel better about it though. 

The first thing Minhyuk is going to do is blurt out the experience to Won, because he’ll surely reassure him - it’s really what he needs. 

While lost in his own thoughts, he feels someone tap on his shoulder, snapping him back to reality. 

Thank God he went to the bathroom beforehand, because if he hadn’t Minhyuk would’ve pissed himself. 

Pretending as if he hadn’t flinched, he turns around and chokes. 

Won wasn’t kidding when he said he was around Hyungwon’s height. 

But he’s more covered up than expected and that’s all Minhyuk can identify from him. 

He’s wearing a hat, sunglasses and a black mask. The sun isn’t even out. 

Minhyuk really should’ve listened to the more rational part of his brain because Won was looking like a murderer with his black coat.

“Uh, hello.” Won speaks, though it’s muffled because of the mask. 

The wave Won gives Minhyuk is so shy and gentle that it calms him down instantly. This man would never harm a fly - he’s safe. 

“Won? You sure are covered up. I thought you were out for my blood,” Minhyuk laughs, hearing Won laugh at his joke. 

Being able to hear that laugh - out loud, feels amazing. 

Without removing the mask, Won reassures Minhyuk that it’s him, Tumblr user hyungwon.

Minhyuk brightens up and his shoulders relax at the confirmation. 

Feeling brave, he takes a step forward and envelops Won in the biggest and tightest hug he can muster. 

The hug lasts about five seconds before Minhyuk gets embarrassed. His face feels a little warm when letting go so he prays a blush isn’t visible and drags Won to the benches outside the convenience store. 

It’s there does he notice the bag hanging loosely from Won’s fingers. 

“What’s that?” Minhyuk asks, pointing at the brown bag as soon as they sit down. 

Won stares at his own hand, startled. Did he forget about it?

He snorts at the taller’s poor memory and Won only gives him a glare - no real anger displayed, before passing Minhyuk the bag. 

With a hand on his neck, Won mumbles, “it’s for you.” 

Oh.

Expecting him to elaborate more, he pauses, resulting in an awkward silence as they both wait for each other to speak first. 

“Are you going to open it?” After a full minute passes, Won finally speaks up. 

_Oh._ He was waiting for Minhyuk to open the bag. 

“Sorry, silly autocorrect.” He can’t help but blurt out - mocking the excuse Won used days before. 

Amused, he plays along. “This is a real life conversation, Minhyuk.” They’re stifling laughter, as if the first one to laugh loses. 

“Right… how could I forget?” Shamelessly giggling now, he shyly pries the paper bag open. 

The first thing that greets Minhyuk is the colour blue. It’s also incredibly soft, he discovers as he removes the object from the bag. 

When he’s finally able to get a good look at the gift, he screams. 

“It’s a whale!” Despite having gifted it to him, Minhyuk shoves it in Won’s face anyway, showing it off. 

Won chuckles at his antics, and it reminds him of their times on Tumblr where he’d be endlessly yelling over something Monsta X did and Won would only sit back and watch, always laughing. 

Minhyuk brings the whale plush toy and hugs it against his chest. “This is the best present I’ve ever received. It’s so _soft_? Can I name it after you?” Like water waiting to flow out of a dam that’s on the verge of breaking, he talks, unbounded. 

Even though he can’t see Won’s face, the fondness radiating off him is obvious, making Minhyuk’s heart soar. 

“There’s more, you know?” Won uses his knuckle to push the bag forwards, to Minhyuk. 

He peeks inside, curious. 

The colour that greets him this time is black. 

The whale settles on his lap as he uses both hands to remove the next gift. 

It’s a piece of clothing, Minhyuk observes. 

“A hoodie?” He says, mostly to himself than to the man sitting opposite him. 

Turning the hoodie around, he almost screams again. 

Anybody else would think it’s just a normal hoodie, but Minhyuk recognizes the design. 

“Didn’t Hyungwon wear this last year on the 8th of August?” If Won is surprised by how fast he notices, he doesn’t show it. 

(Not like he can, with the way he’s covered up.)

Instead, he asks. “Why do you even remember that?” 

“What do you _mean_ why do I remember? It was Hyungwon’s best airport look, of course I have to remember!” Minhyuk huffs, offended. “Everyone has an outfit they love, it’s basic fan culture.” 

Won laughs, clapping at his dramatics and replies, defeated. “Okay, _sorry_ , Mr. Know It All. I assume you like the hoodie?” 

Possessively hugging the article of clothing to his chest, similar to what he did before, Minhyuk tries not to shriek. “Yes I do! It feels like I just got Hyungwon’s own hoodie, is that weird?” 

He laughs nervously, wondering if that’s too much. 

“Oh by all means - go ahead, you can think of it that way if it makes you happy.” 

Won was so chill, Minhyuk was sure he was going to burst into tears. 

After years of distancing himself from people he was physically close to - he turned into what others would perceive as an empty shell. 

Offline, people saw a lifeless man. Never laughing at crude jokes, never making the effort to talk to people, never _trying hard enough_ for friendships. 

Sure, there are times when he’d cry, showing off a side no one was used to - but it was never because of the people around him. 

Tears would always be caused by those whom Minhyuk would never meet. At least, not regularly.

The same with positive emotions, he’d never feel _happiness_ if it weren’t for Monsta X, and Won. 

Right now, Minhyuk has never felt so alive in public. He never thought he’d get to talk to another person, face to face. 

A conversation that made him ecstatic. 

A conversation that made him feel all sorts of things that he never imagined would be possible. 

(Since when did the feeling of joy seem unreachable, unobtainable?

Perhaps years ago, when he was beat up for simply being himself.) 

“Minhyuk?” Won waved his hand in front of Minhyuk’s face, causing him to startle back to the present. 

He blinked, recalling the current events. “Wait. I didn’t get you anything…” Cursing himself for throwing the flower idea away, Minhyuk glances at the gifts he received. 

“Don’t worry about it, you’ve already given me the best gift I could ever get.” Minhyuk turned away from the gifts that screamed expensive and met Won’s eyes.

(Or rather his sunglasses.) 

“And what is that?” Curiosity laced in his question. 

“You.” 

Minhyuk’s eyes widen, his heart speeds up and his cheeks grow hot. 

“Wh-” 

Nervously - Won was _nervous_ , chuckling, he clarifies. “I mean… your presence? And your friendship - they all mean a lot to me.” 

He stole the words right out of Minhyuk’s mouth. Won was wrong though, he was one who meant a lot to Minhyuk. It was the other way around. 

“No,” Fuck, for some reason he wanted to cry. “You’re the one… you mean a lot to me, too, Won.” 

That wasn’t what he wanted to say. Minhyuk wanted to scream, shout it out, _tell the world_ , how important Won is to him and how much he loves him. 

But the words caught in his throat and never came. 

Won shifts closer, and Minhyuk wants to run away. 

Hands cup his cheeks and he hiccups - a sob. 

“Hey now, don’t cry.” Thumbs move to wipe away tears, causing Minhyuk to cry even more. 

A repeat of yesterday happened after all. 

He hadn’t even realized he was crying until Won was gently rubbing soft circles on Minhyuk’s cheeks, soothing him. 

Won shifted the bag away and shuffled even closer - to the point where there was little to no space separating them. 

When you meet your best friend for the first time, are you allowed to cry this much?

Minhyuk’s mind was blank, he focused on getting the tears to stop by facing the sky, but it didn’t work. 

An arm brings him forward, and somewhere along the way a hand pulls his head into a shoulder. 

Won’s shoulder. 

The gesture vaguely registers in Minhyuk’s head as he rests on Won, willing the cries to stop.

A hand pats his head, calming him down and he’s never felt so grateful to anybody before. 

He’s never felt so loved. 

With one hand one his head and another on his back, Minhyuk collects himself. 

By the time he’s done sobbing, he’s more than aware of how he just broke down in public.

And in front of Won. 

Is he an ugly crier? He doesn’t know but hopes not. How unsightly that would be. 

Eventually, Minhyuk lifts his head from Won’s shoulder and flinches at the water bottle that gets passed to him. 

“Are you okay? Drink up.” This was Won alright, always caring for him. 

Taking the bottle, he tilts his head so it’s more efficient and downs half the bottle. 

After Won takes the bottle away from him, Minhyuk grabs the toy still on his lap and smashes his face into it. 

Groaning, he mumbles an apology out. “I’m so sorry you had to see that and thank you for helping me.” It comes out extremely muffled, but if the ruffle to his hair is any indication, Minhyuk is certain Won understood. 

Maybe Minhyuk is touch starved, because the feeling of fingers running through his hair feels incredible - and he’s never felt so comfortable. 

“No worries, it happens and it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve seen you cry.” How could he forget? He’s sent _pictures_ of his crying face before. 

At least he won’t have to worry about embarrassing himself, past Minhyuk has already done enough of that. 

The movement in his hair stops and Minhyuk peeks up from the whale plush. “Do you want to tell me about what happened yesterday? I saw that you cried.” 

He immediately dives into the toy again, groaning louder. 

After a few minutes of whining and soft laughs from Won, he feels better. 

“Thank you,” Minhyuk says one last time before clearing his throat.

Won removes his hand from his hair and sits up straighter, attention fully on him. 

 

With a new sense of calmness, Minhyuk gets straight into the events from yesterday. 

Soon, he’s giddy with joy, when was the last time he was allowed to talk nonstop without being told to shut up?

When was the last time someone paid full attention to him as he blabbered on and on about his _love_ and when was the last time someone looked at him with so much affection? 

If Minhyuk believed in soulmates, Won would definitely be his. 

Halfway through the recount, his eyes trail from Won’s face (which isn’t any interesting to look at at all, since all Minhyuk sees is his reflection) to his hand. 

The hand that had comforted him just moments (an hour, actually) before. 

This is only to make the scene more realistic Minhyuk tells himself as he grabs Won’s hand and interlaces their fingers together.

Eyes focused on their hands, he informs Won of what it’d felt like to finally hold hands with Hyungwon, despite his crisis. 

In an attempt to let him know what happened after Minhyuk started crying, he tries to speak but fails. 

Every time he opens his mouth a squeak or squeal comes out instead. 

Although Minhyuk can’t actually see his face, he feels Won’s fondness radiate off him once more. 

At last, he tells Won about the interactions that seemed like hallucinations. Firstly, the soft “more than you’ll ever know,” followed by the birthday wish and lastly, the nod. 

“Do you think I imagined it? Because I’m the unluckiest guy on the planet, so I can’t see why Hyungwon would say that, or why he’d nod at me?” Even though Won didn’t attend the fansign, getting answers from him just felt right. 

Without waiting, Minhyuk rambles on, “but I don’t know… I looked away super quickly when he glanced at me because there’s no way I’ll be able to look Hyungwon in the eyes again.” 

Not stopping to even catch his breath, he continues, “and how did Hyungwon even know my birthday?” 

He feels something on his hand and realizes they’re still holding hands, Won’s fingers now playing with Minhyuk’s. 

His breath gets caught in his throat and that’s when Minhyuk starts to notice the similarities between Tumblr user hyungwon and the Monsta X member, Hyungwon. 

The thought doesn’t last for long though, because as much as he loves Hyungwon, he can’t replace him with anybody else. 

And Won is his own person, Minhyuk can’t use him as a substitute for Hyungwon, even if they kinda look the same. 

Won hums, bursting him out of his little bubble. 

“You know…” Minhyuk glups. “I think Hyungwon really meant that second part, as well as the nod.” Won is looking straight at him, hands still busy. 

Minhyuk might need a heart transplant after the day is over, because behind the dark sunglasses, are eyes softer than anything in the world and he wonders if this is what love feels like. 

Not chasing after idols, not the useless replies he gives the official Twitter account, not reblogging posts every day. 

It’s the feeling of being with his favourite person, enjoying time alone with him with simple acts like talking and Minhyuk realizes he’s in love. 

Not that he hadn’t known before, he’s not that oblivious to miss something so obvious but the feeling is more apparent now. 

He’s in love with his only friend. 

Won. 

A man who he knows close to nothing about. 

Minhyuk feels his heart sink. 

It’s funny and sad how the two people he loves the most are people he barely knows anything about. 

The silence becomes louder and he needs to reply. 

Killing any and every ounce of affection he has for Won, he smiles. “Thanks again, this time for listening to me ramble, no one usually has the patience for that.” 

Minhyuk puts the whale and hoodie back into the bag and stands. 

Hands still connected, he adds on, “let’s go for a walk, the sun is setting so the sky is going to become really pretty!” 

When Won gets up, he lets go and Minhyuk’s heart drops again. 

Smiling brightly despite the ache in his heart, he waves Won over towards the river and they make their way back to the street. 

Standing side by side, chatting about anything and everything, Minhyuk dreams of a time where he’ll get to hold his lovers’ hand. And when he tilts his head to the side, he wonders if the same fond smile will greet him. 

What Minhyuk has now are muffled responses and one sided glances. 

But he’ll make do. 

 

Soon enough, the sky turns into a colour too pretty to be put into words and Minhyuk hits Won in excitement. 

“Look! We need to take a picture together, hurry!” They move towards the river, Minhyuk holding his phone up.

He tries not to blush at the way Won’s head moves closer to his, almost laying on top of it. 

About ten selfies later, the sky turns into another shade and they take pictures of it instead.

(Minhyuk is so focused on the sight in front of him, he doesn’t notice his companion taking pictures of the real view.) 

They make the way out of the park as it turns dark and he frowns at the ground.

This is where they part and the same sinking feeling resurfaces to haunt him.

Moving aside so they don’t block the path, they end up under a tree.

His eyes still glued to the ground, Minhyuk is taken aback when arms wrap around his waist. 

Although they’re close in height, Won leans down to bump their foreheads together and Minhyuk combusts. 

_They’re so close._

Casting his eyes upwards, Minhyuk can see Won’s eyes clearly behind the shades.

All he feels is love, upon seeing how warm they are. They’re focused on him as if trying to memorize him, afraid of forgetting. 

Minhyuk’s heart is thudding painfully against his rib cage, and it’s only after Won moves away that he starts breathing again. 

“Happy late birthday, Minhyuk,” Won’s voice is loud and clear. “See you next time.” 

His mask is off, and he’s grinning cheekily. 

Before Minhyuk has the chance to react, he’s already running off in the other direction. 

He walks home completely lost, unaware of his surroundings.

It’s a miracle that Minhyuk arrives home safely, with how distant he was. 

Everything that happens after that is automatic, he takes a shower and eats instant noodles for dinner. 

When he’s done, he collapses onto his bed and stares warily at his phone. 

His hand hovers over the Tumblr app before Minhyuk making his first conscious decision of the night and he goes to Twitter instead. 

Which is apparently the wrong choice because as soon as refreshes his timeline, Monsta X tweets. 

It’s from Hyungwon, and his heart races. 

Minhyuk clicks on the pictures - they’re of the sky painted in beautiful hues of pink and blue, the exact same sky he’d been admiring with Won. 

He swipes right and makes an indistinct noise. 

The next picture is of Minhyuk, it’s definitely him - his soft pink sweater more prominent than anything. 

The caption. He needs to read the bloody caption.

That heart transplant sounds real useful, right about now. 

 

_“Nice to meet you, sunshine.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND!! this fic is OVER!!! i didnt expect this idea to turn into such a long fic, and a chaptered one at that (its my first!) and im really happy with how well received it is so thank you all so much for reading and commenting (if you have)
> 
> i love you all and i hope you have a good day!! i dont normally put my links but you can find me on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/changkee) and [tumblr](http://chaepuppy.tumblr.com/)! thank you once again and have a lovely day everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! 
> 
> if you have any feedback on how i can improve do comment, and if you dont thats cool too!! 
> 
> have a nice day :-D


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